Dave just called and explained that he lied earlier so we could avoid dicussing about the car matter. Look, its again because of the car that we are unhappy. Quarrelling and all. WHY!?! Must he lie to me because to avoid another rough spot? Is it so worth it to lie and hurt me in this way? He never think of my feelings. I have made it clear to him that whatever he do now, just be happy seriously. I won't want to know anymore things about him and his car and he is not to ask me about my personal life again.

I will try to move ahead to get back my own happy life now. Though I know its hard to let go and I will miss him. But I know it's better to end things now than later. It's lucky that we have not become a couple to friends yet. I just need a break and have my life back. In the end, what I get is another guy whom betrayed my trust, hurt me time and time again. :(

And because he made me upset about adding a wiper aid to his car, he did not even tell me at all. He obviously has no respect for me and he broke his promise. Thus, when he emailed to ask about the momo steering wheel if he should do, I have given up on him. I said to do whatever he wants as long as he is happy.

Who knows, when I called him to ask him about that email reply, he said he did not read it. I don't understand why he should lie?! I merely wanted to know the truth and to him, even such a small thing he lied, I can't believe how to make myself trust him whatever he promised and said to me. I knew he has read the mail and deleted it from his inbox. I have got a receipt in my mailbox to proof it. When I told him this, he simply become even more stubborn and wants to hang up the phone. Saying that yes, he read it if I wanted to think it that way! Is it so hard to even admit a mistake? My tears flow as I write this, because I am deeply hurt to why this kind of little thing he also can lie to the person he love. What is it for? Because of stubborness, pride?

Everytime I look forward to hear from him, things like this would happen. I would find out about these things, it's a betrayal of trust now. I am very scared. Am I falling for a liar, a simply egoist person, so much that his pride is at stake? I am very scared cuz all I want is a simple minded guy to love me, for me to put my trust with him and to love him with all I can. I hope to have my own personal family one day.

He never kept his promises at all. He has made himself a happy man after he got his car. I was very happy initially, always accompanying him to check about his car before he bought, giving him opinions. But alas, after getting his car, things started to change. Even a little damage to his car, he blamed me for rushing him. Accidentally while parking, the wheels scraped against a kerb of a carpark lot, and he started speaking from his heart, saying things like I should have let him decide where to park. How immature he is when I hear it right from his mouth, and he said that I am just too sensitive to his comments. Well, indeed I m sensitive and hurt by it.

I was happy to learn that finally I may have another boyfriend who drives and next time, going anyway is easier. But who knows, as days passed, I came to realise we have no happy times. He was elated with his car, happy surfing his getz forum. It seemed to it that most of the things he talked abt is his car and how to modify his car. Once the idea is onto his mind, he will keep pursuing it till he get his hands on it. God, I want a simple guy. A car is just a car and he agreed the last time how we looked at things. It is mainly used for transport. Now it has become not what we dicussed anymore. He seemed so into it that I feel out of place, taken for granted, no respect anymore. Why?

I feel that he has changed. I just standby each time, he has his car rims, tyres changed and all, fixing extra guages and fake exhaust, fog lamps. Next, he wants to change to a mp3 player and his steering wheel. I feel upset because perhaps in my heart, I want to look for a guy that makes me feel secure, more sensible. Because whatever he did is just not sensible, its more like interest for him. A new hobby. Now, the idea of a car is just a car for transport purposes, no longer is his aim anymore. He is the happy one now, I thought I could be, but no, he makes me reluctant to want to sit in the car which I wished he never had done all the modifications. Worse, the car has become like an overboard doing now, he seems so happy but when will he stop? His next is to change the steering wheel and the mp3 player. and what next?

Am I so unworthy in his eyes anymore, that whatever I tried to put across to him seems to no avail. He mentioned will inform me next time if he wants to change anything, to respect me and he said he loved me. But truely, the next thing he did, he broke his promise again. I am so upset. I am not in anyway involved and it's making me upset and when i bring it up and question him, he said I treat him like a kid, refuse to answer or just said he don't wish to talk now and wants to hang up. Am I the bad one really?

I have decided to revive my blog this time.

I guess I really need someone to talk to, but I feel that I can't possible talk to people about these. So I shall write now, I have always loved writing, can just go on and on.

My life has been really not right everytime I fall for a guy. It has not proof me wrong time and time again as this time with Dave.

First knew him through mutual friends and at Sunset bay, sentosa. Thereafter, have been practically going down Sentosa everytime just to play the game and to go back with him after that because we were taking the same bus. Things were fine at first, taking the bus to go out and all. He was a very nice fellow, considerate and though I must admit he is not handsome at all, with such small eyes and thick brows, I love the way he smiled. In my eyes, he's handsome in some ways. We started going out for movies, spending more time together, perhaps just because both of us were working shift and has more chance to be together. We were like this for many many months, I should say almost a year now.

Many a times, Dave has asked me to be his gal, but how much I wanted to say yes each time, but was afraid of taking the step out to accept a new guy in my heart. I told him the reason and he said I should open up and be more confident. My past relationship was a terror, he never knew how bad it was, so I tot perhaps he doesnt understand.

So I thought that Dave will be with me sooner or later, I will just take my time to accept him. I waited for the faithful day to come. But as time goes by, we get to know each other even better. Such that flaws and problems surfaced, my dreams of being with him just seemed impossible, drifting further and further as day goes by.

We would quarrel everyday, and I mean everyday now! It's so tense and heartache. Most of the times, I was in the wrong. I said wrong things and he would flare up and mood change. Just like that day, exactly on last Sat, when I sat in his car, so eagerly waiting to see him. Once inside, I saw that his face wasnt looking gd and he was obviously not happy, so I asked. And the next moment was a big quarrel, and I just simply don't understand. Perhaps I really shouldnt speak or ask him anything. And he said its another misunderstanding.

Then yesterday, he was supposed to bring my panasonic hp for repair at alexandra. So he drove me there, who knows, the same thing happened again, he came up to my house to wait for me. But when I went ahead to open the gate for him, he said, "How come your face like that?" I was shocked, and I didn't want to look sad. I was expecting him eagerly to come up, did I go overboard? Perhaps it's another misunderstanding. But it seems the same thing always happen again and again, except that now he's the one unhappy with my face.

We are both so particular about each other, stubborn abt things that it has become worse. I have even believed that we will never be together eventually because I have lost trust with him. But I keep thinking, what has led to this? Is it because we were just too comfortable with each other? Or just take each other for granted now? I have no answers.