I know the love is gone already. Both of us are just putting up a fake front. Now, he no longer messages me in the morning or call me anymore. I guess he can live it off well. But I am still expecting that kind of message. Guess I should tone down and accept the harsh fact that Dave no longer want to make this fire burn anymore.

He asked me to be his girlfriend on Friday night, and I agreed so happily.

Yesterday was another dreadful and depressing day. I want to fill this diary with happy memories, but all the while, its things that make me feel troubled. I m so helpless.

We have compromised that morning he go and do up his car, while afternoon I go shopping for my friend's baby(1st month). Because he woke up late, and a huge jam at Orchard on a Sat, we reached there very late, abt 2.45pm. Thruout the car journey to Robinsons, I kept silent. He asked mi a few times if I was angry, I said I wasnt, I was tired and wish not to say wrong things to make things worse, or spark any quarrel.

But soon, at Guardian, he was there reprimmanding me for walking away while he was talking to me. And he reminded me, don't wait for things to happen, and if I asked for another chance, he will not give again. I did not want to start another quarrel there, so just accepted what he said, and kept quiet. I was too hurt to say anything further. I feel like he's up there picking on me.

Then when I finally got the present, and we were soon on our way to sentosa to meet our volleyball friends, when we were waiting for the Siloso line. I was still troubled by what he said earlier, "does that mean that we just got together the day before and he's saying things to put me off?" Soon the siloso line came but because I stood up later, the bus went off. We tried to chase the bus, but in fact, it left without any passengers. So he immediately turned harsh and shouted at me in front of other pple at the terminal. He was showing his vey displeased actions. I was hurt more that ever. Why is he always losing his cool? Almost already bursting into tears.

So we sat down and waited. Halfway, I told him I needed to cool down and I will join the rest later at the beach, have asked him to go first. Then he was angry again, and asked mi what I am trying to do. I explained tat, after what happen today, I feel that I am not happy, inside me, I am crying all the time in my heart. Need some cooling down cuz I know any minute I will burst into tears. After that, the next min, I just know he started shouting at me at the back of the bus terminal, he said that I have caused him to come for volleyball always so late for so many saturdays. =[ And whenever things happen, I want to go home. I told him that i just needed to cool down and will join them, and not go home. I don't want to face the rest of the gang and let pple see I am crying. They will know that both of us have quarrelled. He shouted at me, saying that we are incompatible and he is breaking up with me after less than 24hrs.

The whole world seems to be falling down on me.

I told him okay, give me 5mins to cool down and he can cool down so he can stop raving at me. Who knows, after 5mins, he left on the Siloso line towards the beach himself. I called him frantically and asked him if he still wanted to talk things out. He said I m being crazy and all. I was so much hurt time and time again, I kept sobbing over the phone and said that I wanted to die, because I have given everything to him and loved him so much and now I don't know what to do. I told him that, and he said to do what I like and he won't care. He said I am making him feel guilty. I said no, I just don't know what else I can do anymore.

I msged Chim and he called me, asking me not to do silly things. I asked him to tell Dave that he loved me, I really wanted to drown myself at the breakwater behind the carpark. He was worried and he came over to meet me without me knowing. All the while, Dave did call back and keep asking me to go over to the beach to meet him and he will give both of us another chance, he threaten not to patch things up if I din go over. I was so exasperated and between sobs, I said please understand me, I am crying and my whole face is swollen, how to go over and see the rest. He said it won't! I just don't want him to shout at me. I know myself, so emotionally unstable, how to talk things without me breaking down. He kept hurting me with all the words he said.

I can't bear to type anymore now. So hurt.